


heart full of equity (you're an asset)

by embraidery



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Justin Bieber lyrics, semi-crack fic treated semi-seriously, this was much funnier in my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embraidery/pseuds/embraidery
Summary: Master Firbolg takes apart a nonsensical lyric from none other than fantasy Justin Bieber.
Relationships: Master Firbolg & Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	heart full of equity (you're an asset)

"Ey, Master Firbolg, have you heard fantasy J Biebs' new song?" Fitzroy asks. He presses pause on his new Rundude and pulls out one earbud.

Firbolg looks up from his accounting homework. "Who is this Jay Beeeebs?" he rumbles.

"You know, J Biebs! The singer? He's been on the cover of BoyCloaks Magazine, like, three times." Fitzroy pulls a pristine copy of the magazine from somewhere in his cloak like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat. Fantasy J Biebs is a skinny half-elf, tattooed arms covered with an elegant black cloak.

"I know nothing of Boy Cloaks or Jay Beebs."

"Well, anyway, his new song goes -- 'heart full of equity, you're an asset,'" Fitzroy warbles, mostly in tune. "And it sounded like something you'd say, because, you know, you're the CFO of Thunderman Corp., and you know about equity and assets and all that accounting stuff." 

"I do know about equity and assets." Firbolg muses. "'Heart full of equity... you're an asset.' Heart cannot be full of equity, therefore you cannot be an asset!" he says, nearly shouting by the end. "Unless -- is there a black market for half-elf hearts?" He taps one large finger on his chin.

Fitzroy makes the same face he made when Argo offered them chili-stuffed chilis and blood pudding. "I was just trying to be nice and friendly to my friend and roommate and sidekick and now he's talking about selling my heart," he grumbles under his breath. 

Later that night, though, Fitzroy can be heard asking, "Gary, approximately how much do half-elf hearts go for on the black market? Healthy hearts, from sexy hunky athletic half-elves. Just hypothetically. It's for, uh, accounting..."


End file.
